Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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