Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
