mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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