i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Randomize
