Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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