u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
