Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
