The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize