Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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