And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Your cock deserves a montage
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
