Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it was like eating out sand paper
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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