ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
