We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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