I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
