part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
