onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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