His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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