No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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