I met the friendliest cop last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
