I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
