I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
