So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sponge bath it is.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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