In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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