Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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