Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
