Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
