I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
