literally had 100 drinks last night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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