is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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