if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
