I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
