i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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