hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
