I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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