Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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