Where is the hickey?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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