A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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