i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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