1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
