Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
