I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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