we made out on top of his cat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
