Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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