It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
