I puked a lego.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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