just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
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I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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