Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I need moral support for this bender
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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