Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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