the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize