i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
