Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My bed smells like the plague
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
