Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
