fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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