You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
