At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
