I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
