Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
