put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
