do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
