I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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