Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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