i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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