She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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