just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
