You're completely useless in the revolution.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
