I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
