I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just pee around me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
