my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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