I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
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i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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