I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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