marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
