Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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