some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
